How To Find Love Using Feng Shui Correctly

Loving couple sitting on the water.

To find love, become the best version of yourself. Feng Shui creates environments that help you become better. Then, with intention, love happens easier.

First, Love Yourself Entirely, Including Your “Flaws”

Do you love yourself? You should.

You should love yourself with all your “flaws” and “imperfections”. If you can’t love the parts of yourself that are not to your liking, then at the very least, be willing to accept them. When I say “flaws” / “imperfections”, I’m referring to aspects that are largely outside your ability to immediately influence, like height, eye color, facial formations…that sort of thing. 

The truth is, loving yourself is the cornerstone of loving people, let alone being loved by others.

When you have a strong sense of self-love and self-acceptance, you are better equipped to form meaningful connections. It allows you to develop a deep understanding of your worth and value. This self-assurance also helps you to avoid settling for relationships that are bad for you. 

Moreover, self-love provides emotional stability, which helps in dealing with many of life’s challenges.

When you love yourself, you display confidence. This can be incredibly attractive and magnetic, drawing people to you. On the other hand, seeking love without first developing self-love can lead to dependency and insecurities within relationships.

Loving Yourself Doesn’t Mean Having An Inflated Ego

Do not let ego control your life.

People who truly love themselves are self-aware. They have a healthy sense of confidence and self-esteem. There tends to be a deep sense of respect for your own needs and a balance in valuing the well-being of others.

Inflated ego, which is an extremist form of loving yourself, is an excessive sense of self-importance and superiority. Unlike self-love, which is based on genuine self-acceptance and self-awareness, an inflated ego relies on external validation and comparison to others. 

This can be seen in personalities that show arrogance, entitlement, and a lack of empathy. While self-love is rooted in being real and having humility, an inflated ego is a lie that hides insecurities and hinders personal growth and relationships.

Being Healthy Is A Part of Love

A healthy balance of emotions and the mind create the best relationships.

In loving yourself, it’s important to get healthy (spiritually, mentally and physically)

Health plays a significant role. 

Finding love is a deeply enriching and transformative experience that encompasses a lot of who you understand yourself to be. You should prioritize a sense of overall well-being, something that includes spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical health. 

Spiritual health provides a sense of purpose and connection to something greater than yourself. This tends to bring about inner peace and resilience. When you are spiritually grounded, there is a positivity that helps to create a conducive environment for love to flourish. 

Emotional health, on the other hand, equips you with the ability to understand and manage your emotions. Being in touch with your feelings and practicing empathy not only enhances self-awareness but also helps bring about relationships. 

Mental health is another one. It influences our self-esteem, confidence, and overall outlook on life. A balanced, well-groomed mind allows you to approach relationships with positive thoughts, manage stress, and deal with challenges. It also empowers you to maintain a proper set of boundaries, which often leads to better decisions. 

Lastly, but equally as important, physical health is foundational to a fulfilling love life. When you prioritize physical well-being through regular exercise, proper nutrition, and adequate rest, your overall vitality is enhanced. You get a boost of self-confidence.

Feeling fit and energetic encourages social interactions.

Money Matters When It Comes To Love

Money is important in relationships.

Loving yourself and good, overall health are important prerequisites when it comes to finding love. Another very important, often overlooked, seldom talked about component to finding love is money. More accurately, money management. 

It’s essential to have a solid grip on your financial health.

Responsible financial management ensures independence and self-sufficiency. In our money-driven society, it also greatly contributes to confidence and security. In fact, financial stress has been tied to several mental and social issues, as further supported by this article posted in Psychology Today.

The reality is, that good financial management demonstrates a person’s maturity and responsibility.

When seeking the love of someone else, trust and reliability are foundational qualities people look for. Coming together in a loving, romantic relationship presents a number of emotional vulnerabilities as it is. There is a sense of comfort that permeates from knowing one’s partner is mentally, emotionally, physically, and financially sound.

Here Is What Modern Science Says About Love

Two birds representing love.

The foundation of a romantic, loving relationship is seen as being complex and multifaceted. It’s not surprising when looking at the various emotional, psychological, and biological factors involved. Research in the fields of psychology, neuroscience, and sociology has found the following to be key components of a strong romantic relationship.

Effective Communication

Active listening and empathetic understanding are crucial for maintaining intimacy and resolving conflicts in a relationship. Couples who communicate openly and honestly tend to have more satisfying relationships.

Reference:

Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (2015). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Trust and Commitment

Feeling secure, both emotionally and physically, with your partner is the core of a relationship. Commitment demonstrated through actions and consistency, is also vital for its long-term success.

Reference:

Rempel, J. K., Holmes, J. G., & Zanna, M. P. (1985). Trust in close relationships. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.

Emotional Intimacy

The ability to connect with your partner on a deep emotional level is a required expression of intimacy. Sharing feelings, thoughts, and vulnerabilities creates a strong bond and enhances relationship satisfaction.

Reference:

Reis, H. T., & Shaver, P. (1988). Intimacy as an interpersonal process.  

Compatibility and Similar Values

Couples who share values, interests, and goals tend to have more satisfying relationships. Compatibility in areas such as religion, finances, and lifestyle choices contributes to long-term happiness.

Reference:

Luo, S., & Klohnen, E. C. (2005). Assortative mating and marital quality in newlyweds: A couple-centered approach. 

Physical Intimacy and Sexual Satisfaction

Lovemaking and sex are important components of romantic relationships. Open communication about desires and preferences, as well as emotional intimacy, enhance sexual satisfaction and overall relationship happiness.

Reference:

Mark, K. P., & Lasslo, J. A. (2018). Sexual satisfaction in long-term heterosexual relationships: The interpersonal exchange model of sexual satisfaction. 

Empathy and Support

The ability to understand and share the feelings of another fosters emotional connection. Providing and receiving support during challenging times strengthens the relationship and enhances overall relationship quality.

Reference

 Krokoff, L. J. (2004). Empathy and social support in couples.

Adaptability and Relationship Maintenance

Relationships require adaptability and effort from both partners. Being able to adapt to changes and actively working on relationship maintenance, such as through date nights or counseling when needed, is crucial for long-term success.

Reference:

Karney, B. R., & Bradbury, T. N. (2005). Contextual influences on marriage: Implications for policy and intervention. 

Most researchers, however, do note that every relationship is unique. The success of a romantic relationship often depends on the individuals involved, their mutual efforts, and their ability to navigate challenges together.

Do You Want Love, or Do You Want To Get Laid?

Social interaction for a romantic encounter.

It’s an important question to ask yourself. While both are intertwined, they are fundamentally different.

Getting Love

While precisely defining love can be difficult, it does extend beyond physically satisfying, self-centered pleasures. There are also various forms of love, such as platonic love, familial love, and romantic love. However, the heart of love (pun intended) is centered around the other person through commitment. 

Call it altruism, empathy, compassion, or any other word that suggests the well-being of another over yourself, it’s those attributes that begin to describe what love is. It can bring immense joy and fulfillment, but it can also be accompanied by vulnerability and the potential for pain. 

There are many ways in which love can be expressed and interpreted. This article is by no means an exhaustive, complete representation of its totality. Simply speaking, if the life of the person you want to be with is of such importance that you are willing to put it above your own, often without personal gain, then it’s love.

Getting Laid 

If love is centered around the well-being of another, getting laid is an artificial, poorly constructed copy focused on only you.

That’s not to say getting laid is a bad thing, nor is that to say it can’t turn into love. However, the drive behind getting laid is generally, a short-lived, albeit mutually selfish act. As a whole, it’s non-committal and without obligation. 

While it shares similarities to love, getting laid is mostly driven by physical attraction, desire, or the sole pursuit of pleasure. Casual encounters provide temporary satisfaction but mostly lack the intimacy and profound emotional bond that is with love. 

Be Honest

The more upfront and clear you are about what you truly want, the easier it will be to obtain, and the greater your satisfaction. 

In the United States, we live in an age where consenting adult relationships can be nearly whatever you want them to be. The freedom to live how you want is the most self-defining it’s ever been. However, those relationships, no matter the applied labels, parameters, and interpretations, categorically can be divided into getting love or getting laid.   

Consider asking yourself if you feel you are ready for entering a committed, emotionally invested relationship, or if a casual encounter is what you really want. 

Here Is How To Attract Love

Attracting the attention of others

Attracting love is a profound journey. While there may be countless methods and advice for finding and appealing to a love interest, the following is one way that works well consistenly.

It does so because as you pursue love, you improve as an individual, which benefits you no matter what, and makes you more attractive.

It’s win – win.

A number of social scientists, researchers, and psychologists also support this overall process, though it’s obviously not the only way to fall in love. Regardless, you’ll find it to be a transformative process that includes self-discovery and an open heart.

First, Love Yourself 

This is a bit of recap, but at the opening of this article I wrote, loving yourself is where it starts. It’s difficult to love another person if you can’t love yourself.

Appreciating all of what you currently are and will become, perceived flaws and imperfections, as best you can – is the first step. This, however, does not include an inflated sense of egotism, where one loves themselves so much there is a sense of superiority.

No – it’s about personal awareness, and understanding of where you are, where you seem to be going, and being fine with it.

Second, Be Healthy In Body, Mind, Spirit & Money

Another recap, but worth repeating…

Good overall health is not only beneficial for you, it also makes you more attractive. It signals maturity, confidence, and self-sufficiency. 

Strong physical health allows for an active lifestyle. It also fosters a positive body image, enhancing self-confidence and self-esteem, which are vital for building healthy relationships. Research studies, such as those published by Tylka & Subich in the Journal of Health Psychology, 2004, highlight the strong connection between physical well-being and self-confidence, indicating that people with better physical health tend to have higher self-esteem and body satisfaction.

A healthy mind is essential for emotional stability in relationships. Mental well-being enables you to handle stress, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts constructively. Studies published by Whisman, 2014, in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy emphasize the importance of mental health in romantic relationships, showing that individuals with better mental health report higher relationship satisfaction.

Spiritual well-being, whether through religious practices or personal beliefs, provides a sense of purpose and fulfillment. It can offer guidance in decision-making and contribute to your overall happiness. Numerous studies, including research published in the Journal of Psychology & Theology by Lichter & Carmola Hauf, 2013, have explored the positive impact of spiritual well-being on mental and emotional health. 

Lastly, achieving financial stability before seeking a romantic relationship tends to ensure a solid foundation for the future. Financial stress is a common cause of conflicts in relationships, and having a stable financial situation can reduce anxiety and improve overall relationship satisfaction. The National Marriage Project at the University of Virginia in 2009 has consistently shown that financial stability is one of the key factors contributing to relationship success.

Third, Enjoy Life Now, Regardless Of Relationships

Happiness tends to draw people to you. Generally, the more you are enjoying life, the happier you become.

Additionally, the more you appreciate the beauty of life, your self-awareness increases. There is a clearer understanding of what your passions, interests, and ambitions are. Enjoying life independently fosters resilience, teaching you how to navigate challenges, setbacks, and uncertainties.

It also allows you to build a rich tapestry of experiences, friendships, and memories. These experiences not only contribute to personal growth but also provide interesting stories, knowledge, and perspectives.

Fourth, Expect That You Will Find Love

Our expectations often shape our reality. It also influences our outcomes. 

When we anticipate love, we set a standard for ourselves and the people we welcome into our lives. By nurturing this expectation, we cultivate a mindset that values kindness, empathy, and emotional connection. It acts as a guiding light, leading us towards those who are capable of reciprocating the love and affection we desire. 

Expecting love also reflects self-worth; it communicates that we believe we deserve to be loved. This anticipation fuels our efforts to find a person who appreciates us for who we are, and in turn, fosters a healthy, fulfilling, and enduring partnership built on mutual respect and affection. In believing in the possibility of love, we open ourselves to the beauty of genuine connections and create a space where love can truly flourish.

Expectation is closely linked to intention, of which I dive into detail in another article you can read here.

Finding Love After 40 Doesn’t Have To Be Increasingly Difficult

Finding love after 40

Statistically, those over 40 may have already experienced marriage or long-term relationships, often accompanied by children. However, the journey toward love in midlife still carries a distinct set of advantages. Maturity, a better sense of self, and a clearer understanding of what you really want are among the benefits that come with age.

This wisdom equips the 40+ with a greater understanding of what to look for in a relationship. More discerning choices and a heightened ability to navigate the complexities of love are what help set the dating scene apart.

At the same time, psychological factors such as regret, disappointment, and lingering memories of bad relationships can create emotional barriers. 

In addressing these issues, benefiting from a supportive environment and living space can definitely help make things easier. A balanced and peaceful surrounding helps to reduce the noise behind emotional challenges.

While there may be more of life’s scars and marks of experience overlaying the pursuit of a loving relationship, with it also comes the fruits of wisdom. Individuals in their 20s arguably have a cleaner slate to work with, there is also the vulnerability to poor choices in dating partners and potential spouses. 

Men and women over 40 carry insights that should help in finding the right kind of love that younger age groups do not.

Feng Shui Can Help To Attract Love

A metaphysical peacock.

The Chinese based art of Feng Shui is often used to create harmony and balance in various aspects of life. Environmental Psychology has found that your environment can be a tool that increases or inhibits your activities, goals, health, and more. I’ve written extensively about this in a previous article.

Properly applied Feng Shui can help bring the kind of love you want. It does this by creating an environment that supports your desires. 

Feng Shui purports to open up and direct energy flow. While this is not exactly something that can be scientifically measured, there are a lot of psychological truths to it. Ideal, harmonious environments can significantly increase your productivity and reduce stress levels. This is accomplished through the following.

Decluttering

This is the overall removal and reduction of material things within a given space. It’s been shown to greatly enhance the effectiveness of a room as it will make you feel better. The better you feel, the more likely you’ll do things toward your goals. 

You can read more about decluttering here.

Command Position Seating

When your back is to the entrance you become unaware of who or what may enter the room. Psychologically, this has been found to increase stress. The unknown (unforeseeable activity of the moment) causes discomfort and a subconscious anticipation of harm, thus interfering with productivity. Position your furniture, as best you can, in such a way you can view the room’s entrance. 

Decorate Your Desire

This is where I tend to disagree with many Feng Shui practitioners. I am less inclined to fall into the metaphysical, magical thinking aspect of the art. However, that’s not to say I’m opposed to the directions and instructions of such an approach. 

There is tremendous debate about prayer, the subconscious mind, spirituality, and so forth. In no way am I suggesting any such practices work or do not work. I do know, and it’s been proven, that belief can have a very powerful effect on life. It can and does do extraordinary things. However, it’s also very difficult to replicate and often highly subjective.

That being said, I’ll share with you how many dedicated Feng Shui practitioners use the art to attract love, and what I’ve seen work.

The Magical / Metaphysical Approach To Feng Shui

Magical thinking and crystal balls.

Traditional Feng Shui uses a Bagua Map that identifies sections of your home as representations of your life. Those aspects are related to things like health, career, children, love, etc. Those areas are located either using a foundational overlay map, as in Black Hat Feng Shui, or the physical direction a room is facing using a compass. Once the “love area” has been discovered, colors like pink and red adorn the space, along with personal symbols that represent love.

This is said to “activate” the intention of love in your life and thus should help manifest your partner.

In my experience, while I have seen this work, I have also observed it not working. A lot. The process of using a Bagua Map, a compass and the like, is time consuming and often confusing. This is where a Feng Shui consultant or expert is usually hired to guide the way.

If this is something you’d like to explore, by all means feel free. If you get the results you wanted, even better.

However, in my experience, the next section works nearly every time and is far more simple.

The Subconscious / Psychological Approach To Feng Shui

The psychological approach to Feng Shui

This is the method I have found to be most consistent and one that aligns closest to science and measurable outcomes. I have also personally found this to be very effective.

This approach works best either after or during the four (4) steps outlined above.

The idea behind the use of symbols, clutter-free environments, and ambiance is to remove as many inhibitions and distractions as possible. Distractions, blockades, and discouragement are massively responsible for many not reaching their desires. By removing those obstacles, the likelihood you’ll finish tasks and activities related to your goals notably increases. 

As such, the room you choose to decorate would be the location you spend most of your time. That may be the living room, the kitchen, the bedroom…wherever. I would suggest you pick a room that is personal to you and one that you have the greatest influence over, especially if you live with other people.

Generally speaking, the bedroom is most often the best place to create any kind of intention. On average, it’s one of the most used rooms in the house.

That being said, I would recommend decorating the room you choose with colors associated with love (a little bit of red, pink, or any other color that you feel aligns with it). How much you bring into the room is up to you. I have found that as long as you notice the colors every time you enter or leave the room, it’s good enough.

Next, you may want to put up a personally meaningful symbol or piece of artwork that means you have ALREADY FOUND LOVE AND ARE THANKFUL FOR IT.

Yes, you read that correctly. This can be a bracelet with hearts, a statue of Aphrodite, a picture of a couple you admire and so forth.

When you think, feel and (to some extent) act as if you already found love, you bring that reality into your own experience, and do so faster. An article entitled, How Your Thinking Creates Reality, published in Psychology Today, describes how your thoughts affect emotions which influence your actions.

The more relaxed and sure of yourself you feel, the naturally more attractive you become.

Consistency Is The Way

Do not stop until you reach your goals.

“It’s not what we do once in a while that shapes our lives. It’s what we do consistently.”

Tony Robbins
  1. Love yourself, and if you feel you can’t, try to appreciate that you exist to experience this life.
  2. Be healthy in body, mind, spirit, and money, and if you’re not, it’s worth getting there.
  3. Enjoy life, because happiness in small things leads to bigger ones.
  4. Expect you’ll find and receive love, if you want it. Don’t worry about how. Let it happen as it does.
  5. Use Feng Shui to help 1 through 4, because your environment influences your behavior. 
  6. Be consistent for however long it takes.

The Point Is To Be The Best Possible You…Always

No matter what you end up doing, whether it’s seeking love, looking for a new job, riding a bike…you should always strive to be the best version of you. When you are that, naturally you become more attractive, more desirable, more confident and enjoy life more.

Do the above for long enough, without fail, and the likelihood you’ll discover a loving partner grows exponentially.

The idea is to align as many factors and conditions in your life with your desire as possible. The fewer interferences and obstacles you have (low self-esteem, unhappiness, unsupportive environment, etc), the easier it is to bring into your experience what you want.

The great part about this process, you become a better person along the way. Life will feel less burdensome and more of a delightful adventure filled with pleasant experiences.

Here’s a little closing fact to ponder. In 2023 there are over 8 billion people on this earth. Think you can attract at least one love interest, especially as you improve yourself while enjoying life?

Pretty sure you can, but only if you want it.

Until the next time, cheers.

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